Sometimes it seems we’re trying to cheat children out of their own childhoods.
MPs say that domestic violence, including forced marriage and honour killings, is on the rise – and awareness of the problem is desperately low. They reckon what’s needed is a campaign to make everyone aware, and educate the young that it is plain wrong, and unacceptable in modern Britain. Who couldn’t agree – until you learn that may mean teaching kids about it all – even at the age of five? Of course children should be aware of the dangers lurking in the shadows of real life – but I think it’s crazy to teach them things their own incorrupt, virgin minds can’t possibly comprehend. To put domestic violence on a toddler’s agenda is tantamount to exposing them to the sort of violent, sordid and damaged imagery we sadly see on so-called adult videos. If they are already living in an environment where domestic violence is the norm, then learning about it in school can only make their reality seem worse, and even add a sense of guilt, perhaps making them feel they should be able to do something to stop it.
I used to know a family where the father was a mean drunk. I don’t think he ever physically beat up his wife or children, but he was a verbal bully, and you could feel his menace from the other end of the street. He terrorised his wife, and his kids dreaded his presence, especially when he returned from a bender with his cricketing chums.
His two little boys knew that his attitude was wrong – they didn’t need to learn that at school. They resolved that they would never behave the same, and were relieved when he eventually moved out of their lives and shacked up with another poor unfortunate and unknowing woman. But they still talk now (they’re grown students now, at university) about the guilt they felt that they couldn’t help their Mum, and the envy they had of other children with their apparently normal lives!
Domestic violence is an awful truth for some – but not for most. Those enduring it already know it is wrong, they don’t need a GCSE in it. Please let’s not taint the already burdened childhoods of those lucky enough to be happy at home with the stark awfulness of less lucky lives. That’s for us adults to worry about – to campaign about, and to change. Let our kids be happy, learn more as they get older and deal with adult problems when they near adulthood, not when they are still entitled to a rosy innocence. This article first appeared in Bella Magazine 2009 |
