bandster but still fat!
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This Buddy last logged in at 10-08-2010
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This is my story
My name is Marie and i had a gastric band on 08/05/2008 in Chichester. When i went in for my operation i weighed 20stone and i now weigh 16st 9lb.
I have had a hard time with my band, accepting it, working with it and seeing it's benefits.
Obviously i am pleased to have lost what i have but at just over 2 years post-surgey i am no where near where i wanted to be and am feeling really down.
I hold my hands up to still eating things that i know i shouldn't and in quantities that i know are far too big (even though they are smaller than they used to be). I have recently started seeing a personal trainer in the hope that more exercise will help kick start more weight loss.
I kid myself and others that i have lost more weight than i actually have because i don't want them to think i am a failure - even though i know it's true.
My best friend had a gastric bypass operation a year after i had my surgery and she has lost half her body weight. I know that she had more to lose than i did and i know that the bypass works differently than the band but i cannot help feeling that i should have gone for the bypass. (although it wasn't actually my choice)
I just feel... very lost, alone and down. I haven't had a relationship for years now, despite wanting one and although i am still over weight i'm not an ugly person and i have a lot to offer someone. I do know that i am right when i say that men i have met would only be interested in me if i were thin. It may not be what i want to hear and i wish i could say 'if they don't like me as i am then they're not worth it' but i can't.
I don't like me as i am, so how can i ever expect someone else to?
